Tuesday, June 16, 2009

Relief but Reality....

Okay, so i'm back to where I was before vacation time....I always need that BIG dose of reality to kick my ass and keep it there but it waivers when i'm away from my regular routine.

You would think that after almost 11 months of the same routine that I would "get it" but I don't know why I do this to myself. I am riddled with guilt, I purposely torture and ridicle myself for not being more diligent ~ not a great feeling let me tell ya.

On a positive note I pulled out my Cooking Light cookbook which has a whole years worth of receipes in it; I highlighted recipes that were realitively easy to cook/prepare and that my family would enjoy.

We all need to tighten our belts, even though I don't make pasta/rice/bread dishes anymore I find that I am making the same old boring not exactly figure friendly dishes...no MORE! I bought 2 weeks worth of groceries to jumpstart us towards healthier living.

On the menu tonight was homemade beef and barley soup, homemade simple white bread and homemade fudgy mocha toffee brownies. It went well, everyone seemed happy and I am motivated to do more!


Monday, June 15, 2009

Seriously WTF!?!?!

Why is it everytime I go home I pig out? I don't know what it is about being there but I give myself an all access card to be baaaaaaaad and I have to pay the price when I get home and I am guilt ridden.

Today I called and made myself a mental health appointment to talk it over with a provider, I MUST STOP THIS...I will not become the STATISTIC and gain weight back!

I know what it takes to stay successful but something about being home triggers something inside me to gorge on CRAP and I have got to put a stop to it.

I feel really shitty right now, going back to liquids for as long as I can stand it so I can get back to where I was......FUCK......this is sooooo not necessary Amy what the HELL were you thinking ~ I wasn't!!!!!????!!!!!

God help me, I'm struggling here. Wahhhh!

Amy :(

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

A New Era....

I Almost Saw It!!!!

I weighed 160.0 this morning, 159 is sooo close. Fingers crossed it shows up today!!!


Monday, June 1, 2009

June 1st, 2009

Wow a year ago today I was 275!!! I was frenzied trying to get all the pre-op appointments done. How much life has changed since then, I love it.

I am down 115 pounds, still trying to lose those final 5 pounds but the gallbladder surgery and bowel obstruction has put a kink in those plans; as my energy level returns and summer kicks into full gear I suspect it won't be much longer until I hit that goal.

I am returning to basics, I plan from this point on to count all my calories/carbs...I have been doing a lot of emotional eating due to stress from all the events that have taken place. I need to get back to the eat to live mentality and STOP grazing!!!

Oh yeah, my Mom and I did some shopping when I was home in STL last month. I bought new shorts and to my amazement most of them were size SIX!!!!!! So in less than a year I have gone from a 24 to a 6, just mind blowing!

I'm not sure what size I will be in when I reach my final goal ~ it is such a relief to know that I am finally HEALTHY, I am doing my best to stay that way.

The countdown to my 1 year anniversary is ON: 37 days left to work on those final pesky pounds and then maintaining this loss FOREVER!!!!

Love everyone!